


Sleeping With My Boyfriend

by spacepanda101



Series: Life In Lockdown: Minute by Minute [2]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Drawing, Fluff, M/M, Pizza, brief description of eating disorders, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:13:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24106519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacepanda101/pseuds/spacepanda101
Summary: Sander's coming out of a depressive episode during the lockdown. His family encourage him to communicate.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Series: Life In Lockdown: Minute by Minute [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1739296
Comments: 1
Kudos: 122





	Sleeping With My Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> What's this? I'm trying a series?  
> You don't have to have read the previous one to read this one, but there are some small references. Tw/ talk of eating disorders. Also I don't have close experiences bipolar so I did do some research into medication but if I've got anything wrong please let me know! Enjoy!

02/05/20 Zaterdag 14:17

With a gulp of water, he forced the pill down his throat, making a face at the unpleasant taste. He knew lithium wasn’t a magical cure-all pill and that these things take time, but he couldn’t help but notice how the low pit of a mood he’d woken up with the day before lingered. Resting his elbows on the kitchen countertop, he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He hated these moods. Especially now when he’d been so consistent with his medication and therapy sessions. Even his therapist was impressed at how well he’d been holding up throughout the lockdown and told him to not be too hard on himself if it ever happened. But he couldn’t help it. He tried to stay up and stay strong for his parents, his sister, his boyfriend. He knew they all had so many things to worry about from this lockdown that he didn’t need to be another burden.

‘Sander?’ he heard his mum call from down the corridor.

‘Yep!’ he called back and soon enough, a head popped around the kitchen door.

‘Ah you’re up! Feeling any better today?’ she asked. The sympathetic expression, he had to keep reminding himself, came from a place of love. She wasn’t intentionally patronising. She was just worried as he’d spent the entirety of the previous day in bed. It’s logical that she’d be worried.

He shrugged. 

‘Have you talked to Robbe yet? 

He shook his head but spoke before his mother could criticise his actions.

‘I’ll talk to him tonight.’

She didn’t seem fully satisfied, being one of the few people in his life that knew of their poor communication at the beginning of their relationship, but didn’t push any further.

‘Your father and I are going to go grocery shopping. We’ve got the list but do you need anything else?’ she asked. He shook his head. ‘No paint or pencils? You were complaining the other day,’

‘The stuff from the supermarket will be no use. I need specific ones,’ he explained.

‘Does that shop not do online deliveries?’ 

‘No but I’ve been looking at other online places,’

She nodded, satisfied with this result.

‘Alright well if you need anything, just give us a text!’ And with that, she headed down the corridor and followed her husband out the house.

Sander made his way over to the fridge as his stomach grumbled. As he scanned the shelves, a new person entered the kitchen.

‘You’re out of bed then,’ a voice bluntly inputted. With a smirk, Sander hummed a response.

‘There’s leftover pasta in the green tub,’

He grabbed the box and some cheese, and shut the fridge door.

‘Oh thank you so much Lena! Ever so kind of you to point that out,’ she imitated sarcastically.

‘Pfft,’ he scoffed, imitating his older sister and playing along, ‘No worries!’

He opened the box and began spooning a small portion of the leftovers into a bowl. He could almost hear the frown as he grated some cheese.

‘Sander… You haven’t eaten anything in like 40 hours. You need to eat more!’

‘Just because I have a boyfriend to look good for and you don’t,’ he joked, not wanting to go more into the subject.

‘You know that’s not-,’

‘No I know, I know. I’ll eat some more later,’ he promised. ‘Just don’t want to overload myself now.’

She sighed. This was a moment when Sander didn’t need to convince himself that she meant well. He knew it. He knew she was speaking from experience when worrying about his appetite. Her time as a teenager had prepared his parents to know how to deal with him when the bipolar kicked in. He knew that it wasn’t him but rather her own experiences that caused her to keep track of him.

‘We can text mum to pick up some pizza on the way back if that’ll make you feel better?’ he suggested. The famous grin returned. She got the message.

‘I get it now. This was all just a ruse to get pizza hm?’ she joked, pulling out her phone as she walked out of the kitchen.

‘Oh and mum says to talk to Robbe!’ she called.

The way his mum had instantly loved Robbe, and the way it’d taken Lena maybe an extra hour or so, always made his heart leap and swell with pride. He could remember the homely warmth he felt that mid-December Saturday afternoon, walking back into the living room after dropping a bag in his own room, and seeing Robbe cradling a mug of hot chocolate on the large armchair, chatting with his mum and sister. He vividly remembered when the conversation steered towards their relationship, the more that Robbe spoke, the softer Lena’s expression became. And by the end of the evening, the two were screeching at each other over some video game that’d been plugged into the TV.

It’d taken his dad more time considering they didn’t meet until New Years, when the two stumbled to Sander’s place tipsy and drunk respectively in the early hours of the morning, but they got along soon enough. 

Sander confessed to his mum and older sister that he hadn’t told Robbe some pretty vital information about himself until after his episode and since then, they’d both been on his back to make sure the two teenagers communicated which was annoying at first, but retrospectively, he was so thankful for them nagging at the smaller things, such as reminding him when the time of his exhibition at the Academy changed, or that one time Robbe had accidentally put sugar in his coffee. It made the bigger things, like cyber sex and talking about the assault easier.

He returned to his room with a bowl of pasta and turned his phone on. As it booted up, he glanced over at the canvas on his mini easel by the window. Splodges of varying shades of black, red, and purple rained on the board and spilled over onto the wall. He didn’t remember doing it but wasn’t surprised considering how colourful the wall usually was. It wasn’t a part of his room he was particularly proud of, often being the result of moments of intense emotion amongst his madness, but before he could explain it when he showed his boyfriend the room for the first time, he had commented

‘Very Pollock…’

Sander had stared at his boyfriend, speechless. 

‘It is Pollock right? The one that does all the cool splattering thing?’ 

Sander grinned, momentarily forgetting what the wall signified.

‘Yes, Jackson Pollock. I’m impressed. You know your artists.’

That afternoon, instead of heading to the skate park to meet up with Robbe’s friends, they lay on the bed whilst Sander talked about some of the artists and styles he’d been learning and researching. It’d been one of those blissful afternoons he was dying to enjoy again. Usually spent inside, although occasionally they trekked to one of the local parks, just enjoying each other’s presence. Just being together. The two of them.

And that was the thought that twanged as he noticed a handful of messages and missed calls from the boy himself. He typed a message.

**_Sander:_ ** _ Sorry I didn’t reply. I haven’t been feeling great. I’ll call you tonight. _

A simple enough text, but it took about 10 minutes to craft. And when he received a response within a minute, he felt stupid for having over thought it that much.

**_Robbe:_ ** _ That’s alright. Remember to take care of yourself! I love you! _

His heart fluttered at how perfect the response was and how he didn’t push for answers but rather trusted him to take care. His parents, naturally, were a little overprotective, and Britt never got it. But Robbe did. He  _ did _ .

That evening, after a few hours working on an essay, he made his way downstairs to the living room, to be greeted with pizza boxes and his dad rushing around, getting plates. Feeling the eyes of Lena, he forced himself to have a few slices despite not having much of an appetite. He remained in his position on the large armchair as the family watched some new Netflix film and when it finished at about 9, he excused himself to have a shower before calling Robbe knowing that once they started, they wouldn’t stop until they fell asleep. And Sander  _ needed _ a shower.

When the boy answered with a blinding grin, he felt a significant weight being lifted from his shoulders.

‘Hey baby,’ Robbe’s voice came through the speakers of his laptop.  _ Baby _ . He still felt giddy being called that.

‘Hey… I’m sorry I didn’t call…’ he started, slowly trying to find words to explain but was cut off.

‘Hey, hey. It’s okay…’ a sweet smile managed to slow down his thoughts, ‘You feeling any better? It isn’t the virus is it?’

‘No not the virus,’ Sander chuckled. ‘It’s more… my head I suppose,’

Robbe made a hummed sound to indicate he was listening so he expanded. ‘I don’t know… I got really annoyed as well because I’ve been fine throughout lockdown - like even Arno’s impressed but…’

‘Hey, if your therapist’s impressed then I don’t think you have anything to worry about,’

‘I know but… I just… I may… I may have promised myself that this wouldn’t happen in lockdown. And if it didn’t happen, then that means I’m doing good and all the therapy and pills and stuff is working. And if it did happen then it means they’re not working and I’m not getting better and it’s all just been pointless and-,’ he stopped himself to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

‘I’m just fucking sick of this… stupid disease!’ he exclaimed, punching the mattress. An amplified breath suddenly reminded him of who he was talking to. The smile had gone and in place was an expression that’d been listening intently and was shocked by the outburst.

‘Sorry,’ he quickly apologised. ‘Sorry I-,’

‘Sander,’ Robbe cut across, ‘don’t.’ His tone was firm, which was rare from his usually soft spoken partner. ‘Don’t you dare apologise. It’s okay to be angry. And it’s okay to slip up, especially right now. But that doesn’t mean all the hard work’s been for nothing. We all have bad days, that’s what makes the good days so good,’

Sander let the words sink in for a few minutes, and really thought about what Robbe had said. And realised he was right. Or maybe it was the deep down knowledge that was finally being brought to the surface thanks to his boyfriend. But either way he felt better.

‘You’re right. Sorry for getting angry,’ he admitted. Robbe simply chuckled.

‘What did I say about apologising? It’s okay to be angry,’

The returning smile made Sander fall in love all over again, so he told him that.

‘I love you,’ he whispered.

‘I love you too,’

They spent a few moments simply looking at each other through the screen, allowing the desperation to physically touch return.

‘What did you do today?’ Robbe asked in an attempt to move on the conversation.

‘Worked on an essay and we had pizza to keep me eating,’ he joked.

‘Nice. What do you mean to keep you eating?’

Sander shrugged.

‘When I come out of a depressive episode, I tend to not eat that much. And obviously with Lena, they all get a bit worried. But I’m fine, I swear,’ he explained but Robbe furrowed his brow.

‘What with Lena?’

‘Did I not tell you? She um… She had trouble with that kinda stuff when she was like 14? It basically kinda prepped my parents for dealing with me,’ he offered the joke at the end. The boy in the screen pushed a smile out as well.

‘I don’t think you have, but thanks for telling me now….’ There was an unspoken question that he could hear.

‘Robbe, I’m fine with that stuff, I promise. You’ve seen me coming out of one, you know I don’t have a problem there,’ he reassured him. Robbe nodded.

‘No I know. Sorry,’

‘It’s okay.’

Silence hung in the air. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable either. Both brains were trying to think of a topic to move on to. The brown-haired one got there first.

‘How’s your lockdown project going?’ he asked.

‘My what?’

‘The “Life In Lockdown” thing you were doing for class?’

‘Oh that! Hang on a sec-’ Sander reached over the laptop to grab his sketchbook and pencils on his bedside table. ‘I’ve done a few more,’

‘Oh? Can I see?’

He shook his head, earning him an adorable pout.

‘Nope! But if you’re good, I’ll show you when it’s all over,’ and the pout turned into a loving smile that still gave him butterflies, the same way it did 6 months ago in the supermarket.

‘Are you going to draw this?’ Robbe asked, laying his head on his pillow and pulling up his duvet.

‘Can I?’

He nodded.

Sander then pushed his laptop back and arranged himself so that he was lying on his stomach, and lead hit the textured page.


End file.
